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Apr. 29th, 2008 10:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageThe past month or so has been pretty chaotic. I'm used to that from life. But it's a different kind. A good kind.
End of the semester, I always feel more comfortable around people. And then they go away, some of them more permanently than others. I have a feeling I am really going to miss Angela. Also, heh, apparently her first-year roommate dated Chuck. Angela went to the Bitterness Party that year, but since she wasn't actually ever a comrade, she'll probably have a lot easier time reaching escape velocity. Maybe she'll be back for Carnival sometime? Maybe I'll actually keep in better touch with my friends who go out into the world to do cool things?
I realized I don't worry as much when I dance anymore. I'm not sure how that happened; it's just cool now. I can relax into the music and fuck up the counts less, extending through the time I've got with each step and making them connect better. I don't wonder where my boyfriend is in the audience when he isn't even there/there yet and said he would be. I am much happier not thinking about that. I don't even care about impressing Karl. I guess now that I've taken classes with him, I don't feel like anything I can do is terribly amazing to him, that he knows I move fairly well, and that I probably do have a decent shot at being in his next awesome dance (provided it's not sexytime again, although I am newly capable of booty dancing to Latin music because Alice's ass is just kind of right out there the whole time pointed at the audience...) And my falling on my ass skills are still strong. I'm not even embarrassed anymore because I know I can handle it and make it look less awful. Dance and I have this crazy fucked-up relationship I think I might be okay with calling love, now. (Tay nods approvingly somewhere in DC. Hopeless, sure, and I think you may just be right on the rest.)
I am still totally awkward, don't get me wrong. Being Exec yesterday was weird; I'll need time to get accustomed to that before I can crack jokes again that more people than those within five feet of me hear. At least I made it out from behind the desk? I am way better at dealing with bored baggers, even though this one left me and didn't sleep in my room again (no big deal! & she may've been my last). Still skirting around talking to my physics prof, but I have been keeping up with other similar correspondence. I'll get to it this week. I was quite relieved that Dom handled most of the talking to people when we acquired random wonderful outdated electronics. I think I can pass for normal already; clients at work didn't think I was super strange, but I always felt weird asking them if they'd like something to drink, saying he'll be right with you in a moment, and was eager to plop back down at my happy terminal with Stan's voice gravelly and monotone in the dictaphone in my ear, lalala, busy, but really shifty-eyed and nervous if Stan was running late like always in the summer. Eventually I'll be able to pass for a human raised by normal humans instead of a bizarre, sprawling village. But my friends won't mind and I can tell them about crazy shit like our exploding swimming pool full of tadpoles with a bullfrog in the filter (they do so love it there).
Chépa, la vie continue. About half of Mallory's sorority sisters flipped on her because she wanted to make a shirt with "(Greek Delta) (Heart) / (Greek Delta) t" on the front for Tridelt Bid Night; I saw a tall blond and a whiny Asian boy make fried PB&J (wtf?) together in Donner kitchen as I washed brownie pans, loudly stating their preferences for the peanut butter to jelly ratio (ow ow?); gay Chris adorably/hilarious made Mel and Rachel his puppets and told me with his big raccoon eyes that he thought I did well. Things are just crazy enough to be awesome. I'm trying not to freak out about all the work I have to do, and that's working for now, but I'm not expecting to be in calling prospectives much this week.
End of the semester, I always feel more comfortable around people. And then they go away, some of them more permanently than others. I have a feeling I am really going to miss Angela. Also, heh, apparently her first-year roommate dated Chuck. Angela went to the Bitterness Party that year, but since she wasn't actually ever a comrade, she'll probably have a lot easier time reaching escape velocity. Maybe she'll be back for Carnival sometime? Maybe I'll actually keep in better touch with my friends who go out into the world to do cool things?
I realized I don't worry as much when I dance anymore. I'm not sure how that happened; it's just cool now. I can relax into the music and fuck up the counts less, extending through the time I've got with each step and making them connect better. I don't wonder where my boyfriend is in the audience when he isn't even there/there yet and said he would be. I am much happier not thinking about that. I don't even care about impressing Karl. I guess now that I've taken classes with him, I don't feel like anything I can do is terribly amazing to him, that he knows I move fairly well, and that I probably do have a decent shot at being in his next awesome dance (provided it's not sexytime again, although I am newly capable of booty dancing to Latin music because Alice's ass is just kind of right out there the whole time pointed at the audience...) And my falling on my ass skills are still strong. I'm not even embarrassed anymore because I know I can handle it and make it look less awful. Dance and I have this crazy fucked-up relationship I think I might be okay with calling love, now. (Tay nods approvingly somewhere in DC. Hopeless, sure, and I think you may just be right on the rest.)
I am still totally awkward, don't get me wrong. Being Exec yesterday was weird; I'll need time to get accustomed to that before I can crack jokes again that more people than those within five feet of me hear. At least I made it out from behind the desk? I am way better at dealing with bored baggers, even though this one left me and didn't sleep in my room again (no big deal! & she may've been my last). Still skirting around talking to my physics prof, but I have been keeping up with other similar correspondence. I'll get to it this week. I was quite relieved that Dom handled most of the talking to people when we acquired random wonderful outdated electronics. I think I can pass for normal already; clients at work didn't think I was super strange, but I always felt weird asking them if they'd like something to drink, saying he'll be right with you in a moment, and was eager to plop back down at my happy terminal with Stan's voice gravelly and monotone in the dictaphone in my ear, lalala, busy, but really shifty-eyed and nervous if Stan was running late like always in the summer. Eventually I'll be able to pass for a human raised by normal humans instead of a bizarre, sprawling village. But my friends won't mind and I can tell them about crazy shit like our exploding swimming pool full of tadpoles with a bullfrog in the filter (they do so love it there).
Chépa, la vie continue. About half of Mallory's sorority sisters flipped on her because she wanted to make a shirt with "(Greek Delta) (Heart) / (Greek Delta) t" on the front for Tridelt Bid Night; I saw a tall blond and a whiny Asian boy make fried PB&J (wtf?) together in Donner kitchen as I washed brownie pans, loudly stating their preferences for the peanut butter to jelly ratio (ow ow?); gay Chris adorably/hilarious made Mel and Rachel his puppets and told me with his big raccoon eyes that he thought I did well. Things are just crazy enough to be awesome. I'm trying not to freak out about all the work I have to do, and that's working for now, but I'm not expecting to be in calling prospectives much this week.
