(no subject)
Feb. 10th, 2007 02:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageSo... how about that dodgeball game?
Wikipedia Says:
"Dodgeball (or dodge ball) is the name of a traditional game taught in physical education classes in the USA, usually in elementary school, but it can also be played in middle school as well."
(Uhhh... Or high school...)
"Dodgeball, when it emerged in about 1922, was touted as the "nerd's sport".[citation needed] Since players normally were not part of a team, no player had to endure the teasing that would fall upon a player accused of "causing the team to lose." As well, the game was seen as having a light-hearted and self-deprecatory nature and, therefore, more amenable to non-athletic students.[citation needed] Dodgeball advocates also argue that dodgeball is a way for more aggressive students to use their violent energy on soft foam balls, rather than with their fists when they aren't under the supervision of a gym class teacher."
'Bout right. I did notice, however, that this year's shirt design had been slightly modified from that of last year. Observe:
About a month ago when I hurt my ankle, I couldn't dance, so I sat in the corner on the crash mat reading my gov book while everyone else did barre. I wore my dodgeball shirt because random T-shirts commemorating erstwhile school events make for excellent sick/injured person loungewear. The omitted text, then (and also possibly my reading my gov book while the girls next to me listened to their iPods™ and took cameraphone pictures of themselves), and explains why some of my classmates laughed at me. "Homecoming... dodgeball game?" one said. These are girls whose main ambition in life is to date the quarterback. They cheerlead. They don't think "vociferous" is a real word. They don't think! These are the normal high school students of America.
When we play dodgeball, we boldly assert our nerdiness unto the rest of the world. In contrast to the farcical flag football game, lackluster parade and commonplace dance we held at the inception of this tradition, feeble and insufficient imitations of the longstanding traditions at most other high schools, we now flippantly mock the elitist demonstrations of other institutions with a good ol' populist game of dodgeball. The excision of the last vestige of normalcy, the word "Homecoming" from our standard-issue event apparel, marks the dawn of a new era of a proud Pine View tradition, now that the once-gasconaded "Tradition of Excellence" seems to be on the wane.
Mind you, though, our communal dodgeball game in which anyone can play, regardless of athletic ability, gender, race, or purchase of promotional merchandise, does not signify that we have fallen to the ever-present influence of the Red Menace of communism. Those silly New Age sensitive guys may allege that aiming multi-colored spongy projectiles at people demeans them, because nobody should throw anything at people -- A Child: But it's fun -- Shh, honey, an adult is speaking, but we all know that America needs its youth to be experienced in the physical science of ballistics and immune to those embarrassing, most un-manly feelings of shame and lily-livered sympathy that may arise when a ball thrown in the school gym smacks a fellow classmate square in the face. These studies in bombardment will sure come in handy when we get drafted! We play dodgeball, and we play hard.
You can easily spot the pinkos in the crowd -- the lone kid edging backward, gaping with wide eyes behind glass upward at the torrent of spheres in rainbow hues crashing down with soft thuds around him, probably thinking of some balderdash like s(t) = x0 + v0(t) - (a t ^ 2) / 2 (you only really need to know how to aim a missile, not the whole kinematics business behind it), calculating precisely where to stand to catch one rather than just jumping up at random, the ones standing in the back catching falling objects and passing them on to teammates who will then chuck them at members of the opposing team and their sacred hoop, too spineless to throw them themselves, the ones glancing obliquely at each other as they scream "SENIORS!" in response to "Who are we?", wondering why they are all so excited by such seemingly purposeless questions. Stare warily at them, but fear not. Although dodgeball is presumed a game for the Everyman, those of us inculcated with greater wisdom know that regardless of this egalitarian façade, only the strong will prosper. Americans, after all, are more concerned with personal liberty than equality. To think otherwise would be -- well -- French. Thankfully, French-language class sizes are diminishing, and now that the USSR is no longer a threat, we've dropped Russian from our curriculum. Our addition of two levels of Chinese and one of Arabic will surely promote the success of our young wards in this post-9/11 world. Yes, we at Pine View are training the NeXt Generation, its futuristic "X" standing tall astride the flow of knowledge like the Colossus at Rhodes (which, incidentally, if it still stood, would doubtless attract throngs of camera-toting emo kids eager to shoot pictures of themselves gazing mock-pensively upward between its massive thighs (think Unconditional Surrender, a.k.a. only thing acceptable in a staunch war against those against democracy and completely unacceptable for those for democracy).
Our dodgeball teams are clearly a formidable force, as evidenced by the very small number of students at any given moment standing in the out-of bounds "jail" areas. It is, however, possible that more students got out and simply did not abide by the the honor system, which dictated that students hit off guard by a ball would retreat to the sidelines until a ball launched from their side struck the enemy backboard. Fortunately for our teams, in the defiant American tradition, many students ignored this senseless doctrine of compromised freedom and fought on for what they believed in: victory. These players continued to fling soft orbs fiercely forward into the tumult before them, guiding them straight through the hoop to score points or taking out as many people as possible with the same toss -- for this, too, they should be commended.
Only one team, however, could receive the vaunted trophy topped with the stately punctured dodgeball emblazoned with years past, present and future in majestic black Sharpie, heralding the dodgeball legacy and anticipating a long and healthy tradition of similar dodgeball games. The seniors prevailed, setting a fine Darwinian example, while the freshman came in second due to their sheer numbers.
It cannot be argued that our dodgeball game was not a supreme and utter triumph for all parties involved, even if Mr. Largo refused to sport the fashionable target-screened shirt bestowed upon him prior to the festivities.
Wikipedia Says:
"Dodgeball (or dodge ball) is the name of a traditional game taught in physical education classes in the USA, usually in elementary school, but it can also be played in middle school as well."
(Uhhh... Or high school...)
"Dodgeball, when it emerged in about 1922, was touted as the "nerd's sport".[citation needed] Since players normally were not part of a team, no player had to endure the teasing that would fall upon a player accused of "causing the team to lose." As well, the game was seen as having a light-hearted and self-deprecatory nature and, therefore, more amenable to non-athletic students.[citation needed] Dodgeball advocates also argue that dodgeball is a way for more aggressive students to use their violent energy on soft foam balls, rather than with their fists when they aren't under the supervision of a gym class teacher."
'Bout right. I did notice, however, that this year's shirt design had been slightly modified from that of last year. Observe:
About a month ago when I hurt my ankle, I couldn't dance, so I sat in the corner on the crash mat reading my gov book while everyone else did barre. I wore my dodgeball shirt because random T-shirts commemorating erstwhile school events make for excellent sick/injured person loungewear. The omitted text, then (and also possibly my reading my gov book while the girls next to me listened to their iPods™ and took cameraphone pictures of themselves), and explains why some of my classmates laughed at me. "Homecoming... dodgeball game?" one said. These are girls whose main ambition in life is to date the quarterback. They cheerlead. They don't think "vociferous" is a real word. They don't think! These are the normal high school students of America.
When we play dodgeball, we boldly assert our nerdiness unto the rest of the world. In contrast to the farcical flag football game, lackluster parade and commonplace dance we held at the inception of this tradition, feeble and insufficient imitations of the longstanding traditions at most other high schools, we now flippantly mock the elitist demonstrations of other institutions with a good ol' populist game of dodgeball. The excision of the last vestige of normalcy, the word "Homecoming" from our standard-issue event apparel, marks the dawn of a new era of a proud Pine View tradition, now that the once-gasconaded "Tradition of Excellence" seems to be on the wane.
Mind you, though, our communal dodgeball game in which anyone can play, regardless of athletic ability, gender, race, or purchase of promotional merchandise, does not signify that we have fallen to the ever-present influence of the Red Menace of communism. Those silly New Age sensitive guys may allege that aiming multi-colored spongy projectiles at people demeans them, because nobody should throw anything at people -- A Child: But it's fun -- Shh, honey, an adult is speaking, but we all know that America needs its youth to be experienced in the physical science of ballistics and immune to those embarrassing, most un-manly feelings of shame and lily-livered sympathy that may arise when a ball thrown in the school gym smacks a fellow classmate square in the face. These studies in bombardment will sure come in handy when we get drafted! We play dodgeball, and we play hard.
You can easily spot the pinkos in the crowd -- the lone kid edging backward, gaping with wide eyes behind glass upward at the torrent of spheres in rainbow hues crashing down with soft thuds around him, probably thinking of some balderdash like s(t) = x0 + v0(t) - (a t ^ 2) / 2 (you only really need to know how to aim a missile, not the whole kinematics business behind it), calculating precisely where to stand to catch one rather than just jumping up at random, the ones standing in the back catching falling objects and passing them on to teammates who will then chuck them at members of the opposing team and their sacred hoop, too spineless to throw them themselves, the ones glancing obliquely at each other as they scream "SENIORS!" in response to "Who are we?", wondering why they are all so excited by such seemingly purposeless questions. Stare warily at them, but fear not. Although dodgeball is presumed a game for the Everyman, those of us inculcated with greater wisdom know that regardless of this egalitarian façade, only the strong will prosper. Americans, after all, are more concerned with personal liberty than equality. To think otherwise would be -- well -- French. Thankfully, French-language class sizes are diminishing, and now that the USSR is no longer a threat, we've dropped Russian from our curriculum. Our addition of two levels of Chinese and one of Arabic will surely promote the success of our young wards in this post-9/11 world. Yes, we at Pine View are training the NeXt Generation, its futuristic "X" standing tall astride the flow of knowledge like the Colossus at Rhodes (which, incidentally, if it still stood, would doubtless attract throngs of camera-toting emo kids eager to shoot pictures of themselves gazing mock-pensively upward between its massive thighs (think Unconditional Surrender, a.k.a. only thing acceptable in a staunch war against those against democracy and completely unacceptable for those for democracy).
Our dodgeball teams are clearly a formidable force, as evidenced by the very small number of students at any given moment standing in the out-of bounds "jail" areas. It is, however, possible that more students got out and simply did not abide by the the honor system, which dictated that students hit off guard by a ball would retreat to the sidelines until a ball launched from their side struck the enemy backboard. Fortunately for our teams, in the defiant American tradition, many students ignored this senseless doctrine of compromised freedom and fought on for what they believed in: victory. These players continued to fling soft orbs fiercely forward into the tumult before them, guiding them straight through the hoop to score points or taking out as many people as possible with the same toss -- for this, too, they should be commended.
Only one team, however, could receive the vaunted trophy topped with the stately punctured dodgeball emblazoned with years past, present and future in majestic black Sharpie, heralding the dodgeball legacy and anticipating a long and healthy tradition of similar dodgeball games. The seniors prevailed, setting a fine Darwinian example, while the freshman came in second due to their sheer numbers.
It cannot be argued that our dodgeball game was not a supreme and utter triumph for all parties involved, even if Mr. Largo refused to sport the fashionable target-screened shirt bestowed upon him prior to the festivities.
