Not Even Half-Baked Cookie Dough
Oct. 4th, 2004 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageToday I remembered spending time in the Naughty Chair. Five minutes in the foyer on the antique brown monster-face meuble. Seems that I frequented it more than Brian. Thoughts of being grounded as I stared at the slotted closet door. I used to blow spit bubbles to amuse myself. In fact, the whole reason I remembered this was when I was sitting on the floor under the bar on my wall, (now cobweb-free, sigh) before pointe, tying my shoe and incidentally blowing a spit bubble. I know, I felt really attractive.. One time I ended up there [the naughty chair] for chanting "shitty-shitty bum-bum we love you" over and over. I was pretty screwed up even when I was like four or five. I thought that was funny? I knew that word? I guess I wasn't really a fan of talking cars.
I sent an email that should make everyone hate me. I used lame references to both Star Wars and Trek. W04us.
I should stop looking at people. Really. It gives me ideas. Their eyes are so shiny. Most teenagers are idiots. It's been a long time since I've held a hand. Where is my eyeliner pencil?
And Morgen was wearing the same pants AGAIN! Unless he's like that one kid in fifth grade who had like ten copies of the same outfit, that's a bit gross. I really feel bad for him; most of the kids hate him.
Haha in sixth grade, slam books were popular, and everyone wrote nice things about everyone but me. I'm so selfish.
I need to study Euro. It's my latest obsession, now that Inklink, 2draw, that one kid, etc. are things of the past. Why am I such a fangirler sometimes?
If I were to inherit a country: Mrs Johnston is God and Sean and Taylor and stuff duke it out for president. We need a code name.
Demographics... I wish my left hand were more refined. For writing, you perv. 50% ofa class is more than 10 percent.
I'd like to have a box of magic. I could sleep in it forever and nobody would find me. Dreams, dead to the world.
I would quit dance if I could.
Driving is useful. I want my license so I can discard my crappy parents.
A violent desire to smash my head in. A violent desire to stab ymyself and make a large tourniquet. I am not a sympathy whore. I wear my colors. Only a loser, for now.
I want to cry at school, but nobody can be there. I want to burn things, but the lighter doesn't work. Somehow I am A respectable citizen. Honor student.
They call me brilliant but I know I just gave a wrong answer. And I know the right one the second after. Only after. I lack street smarts, tact, commonsense.... I lack. A lack. Alack, alack alack. I Lose. Loser. I don't deserve it, but I love some things. The feeling of school. People that say things behind my back. Pretty pieces of broken glass. I want to hug the imperfect world. I am glad to be alive. May I die now? Why are you keeping me in this menagerie? To mock me? The hermit thrush sings.
I make no sense. I wish.. I know what is in my head. If Black's theory holds out, as well as my feeble designs on "religion" with no God... or I have no clue... something will happen. Patience, patience. Uncle Kojack is in the hospital having his appendix taken like Madeline. He does not appreciate the Rotten Tootsie Pop. Another thing to make and do...
*screaming*
I have heard voices...
why do I want to be an artist
not going to use it
not interesting
not talented
not pursuing it as a career
just to stand out?
but i want to blend in
and i fear there is noone like me
but the seed pod
and tarzan
i need a kitten
something to care for that breathes
or the awesome plant-jar-fish
to teach me how to feel again.
So I can care about what else goes on
and get a loop on understanding what all else do
tell me I'm crazy.
I know.
don't let me be right
I love the rain.
i want to draw things in the margins
with my non dominant hand
upside down
on wednesday
Where did all my grammar go?
Homework to do...
I sent an email that should make everyone hate me. I used lame references to both Star Wars and Trek. W04us.
I should stop looking at people. Really. It gives me ideas. Their eyes are so shiny. Most teenagers are idiots. It's been a long time since I've held a hand. Where is my eyeliner pencil?
And Morgen was wearing the same pants AGAIN! Unless he's like that one kid in fifth grade who had like ten copies of the same outfit, that's a bit gross. I really feel bad for him; most of the kids hate him.
Haha in sixth grade, slam books were popular, and everyone wrote nice things about everyone but me. I'm so selfish.
I need to study Euro. It's my latest obsession, now that Inklink, 2draw, that one kid, etc. are things of the past. Why am I such a fangirler sometimes?
If I were to inherit a country: Mrs Johnston is God and Sean and Taylor and stuff duke it out for president. We need a code name.
Demographics... I wish my left hand were more refined. For writing, you perv. 50% ofa class is more than 10 percent.
I'd like to have a box of magic. I could sleep in it forever and nobody would find me. Dreams, dead to the world.
I would quit dance if I could.
Driving is useful. I want my license so I can discard my crappy parents.
A violent desire to smash my head in. A violent desire to stab ymyself and make a large tourniquet. I am not a sympathy whore. I wear my colors. Only a loser, for now.
I want to cry at school, but nobody can be there. I want to burn things, but the lighter doesn't work. Somehow I am A respectable citizen. Honor student.
They call me brilliant but I know I just gave a wrong answer. And I know the right one the second after. Only after. I lack street smarts, tact, commonsense.... I lack. A lack. Alack, alack alack. I Lose. Loser. I don't deserve it, but I love some things. The feeling of school. People that say things behind my back. Pretty pieces of broken glass. I want to hug the imperfect world. I am glad to be alive. May I die now? Why are you keeping me in this menagerie? To mock me? The hermit thrush sings.
I make no sense. I wish.. I know what is in my head. If Black's theory holds out, as well as my feeble designs on "religion" with no God... or I have no clue... something will happen. Patience, patience. Uncle Kojack is in the hospital having his appendix taken like Madeline. He does not appreciate the Rotten Tootsie Pop. Another thing to make and do...
*screaming*
I have heard voices...
why do I want to be an artist
not going to use it
not interesting
not talented
not pursuing it as a career
just to stand out?
but i want to blend in
and i fear there is noone like me
but the seed pod
and tarzan
i need a kitten
something to care for that breathes
or the awesome plant-jar-fish
to teach me how to feel again.
So I can care about what else goes on
and get a loop on understanding what all else do
tell me I'm crazy.
I know.
don't let me be right
I love the rain.
i want to draw things in the margins
with my non dominant hand
upside down
on wednesday
Where did all my grammar go?
Homework to do...
