May. 2nd, 2011

phthalombrage: (Default)
I was happiest freshman year and when I studied abroad, and it's hard to figure out why. I should know better after having studied failure analysis than to look for a "root cause", but I am trying really hard not leave hating everything. To be fair, I'm not a total failure, I just don't know where I'll be come September, and not because I haven't tried. I could have realized earlier that my advisors give the same advice to everyone and saved myself the trouble. Going with my original plans, I have to wait a little longer than everyone else to find out what comes next, but all the questions I keep getting kind of unnerve me. Here on the border of being a student and possibly being something else, I keep having to fill out surveys and answer questions about the recent past and the near future, and I don't want to let my non-standard responses to the questions about the latter to influence my thoughts about the former. I am not a typical MSE major, but nobody has time for details.

I need to become okay with the fact that I have a different time frame for knowing whether I will be a student or something else. This is hard because it feels like everyone assumes I am less good for not knowing this already... I just don't want what people usually want.


phthalombrage: (Default)

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