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Dec. 17th, 2005 11:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageI'm a mess, psychologically.
I took that test that other people have been taking, but I had issues with the questions. I got a different result than usual and was pissed because I had decided I was something else. Maybe I'm changing?
(This applies to at least two different things of which I've been thinking.)
I've temporarily lost faith in my intellectual ability (and have suspicions that I'm either tremendously lazy or depressed) so I've been thinking about tubes of paint.
I'm afraid to use it. I'm afraid to deal with things. And since everyone is leaving and nobody left encourages me at all to do even that, I'm not going to get any better. And I'm being forced back into it next year. The solace of bleak machines is so much more attractive, at the moment.
Independent streak. Rust. Paper cutter. Sealed envelopes. Inadequacy.
Jesus Christ. (scarf)
So I've also been dealing with people a lot more than usual. I ascribe it to my own weakness of character, mostly.
I really need to read a bunch of books and try to fall back into what I thought I was.
After I pay my library fine. That book was due the day before Halloween. I still haven't read it. I owe almost ten dollars. And it's only a 152-page paperback. Dumb!
The ATM is closed indefinitely and I don't want to work at Howie's, even if it is for cash.
I wonder what it's like to be an ATM... Tay would probably want to throw something at me if she were here.
Katie's party.
We were an eclectic bunch, indeed.
Manhunt, fireworks, cake took place. Much more happened.
Nine of us were laying on a hammock so it broke.
There were so many tiny skittish cats!
I climbed two trees. One was during Manhunt. I was the first to be found that time. Haha.
Then I climbed another, about 40 feet up maybe... and impressed a really worldly guy. Everyone looked up and was like wha?
Pssh. I love climbing trees.
And I'm retarded!
Okay, maybe not everyone SHOULD know what "land shark" means, but... everyone is wayyyy more familiar with sex and drugs than I am.
And I don't want to be more familiar with either of the two. Not a common reaction at all.
At the same time, I don't feel the need to (no offense to Jessica S.) announce that I am "innocent."
I mean, I make perverted jokes all the time. The only difference is... that's where it stops. Notice, comment, rinse, repeat.
I spent so long with, essentially, no friends, that I hadn't realized what EVERYONE else was up to. (Holy crap, TM sure opened up...) Now every time I hang out with people, I get surprised. It's kind of fun.
It's so cool that there are people whom I think are cool and who are my friends.
Reid was being a Mike-poser, and Mike fired a WWI gun into the woods/lake area. Katie's mom got all worked up about it and told him to leave immediately, but he stayed... another two hours or so. Guns are scary but they provide excuses to have run off... hahaha.
They're all Disneyophiles. I'm lucky that I liked Disney when I was little. Now my attitude towards everything is a sort of complex miasma of different perspectives that condense and blend together into ambivalence soup. My special brew. Not to say my mind is more complicated / unique than other people's... it's actually rather annoying. My logic, for example, is strange.
Dealing with happy grown-ups I just have to smile and make up something that sounds good. It's somewhere in my range of thoughts, so it's still truthful.
Pooh has wisdom.
I stepped in some, and so did Lauren. My car smelled like it in the morning.
Katie and Melody are twins and we had a sleepover. Yay!
My mom thinks we had a lesbian orgy.
Seriously, I'm like seven years old. Maybe six.
I took that test that other people have been taking, but I had issues with the questions. I got a different result than usual and was pissed because I had decided I was something else. Maybe I'm changing?
(This applies to at least two different things of which I've been thinking.)
I've temporarily lost faith in my intellectual ability (and have suspicions that I'm either tremendously lazy or depressed) so I've been thinking about tubes of paint.
I'm afraid to use it. I'm afraid to deal with things. And since everyone is leaving and nobody left encourages me at all to do even that, I'm not going to get any better. And I'm being forced back into it next year. The solace of bleak machines is so much more attractive, at the moment.
Independent streak. Rust. Paper cutter. Sealed envelopes. Inadequacy.
Jesus Christ. (scarf)
So I've also been dealing with people a lot more than usual. I ascribe it to my own weakness of character, mostly.
I really need to read a bunch of books and try to fall back into what I thought I was.
After I pay my library fine. That book was due the day before Halloween. I still haven't read it. I owe almost ten dollars. And it's only a 152-page paperback. Dumb!
The ATM is closed indefinitely and I don't want to work at Howie's, even if it is for cash.
I wonder what it's like to be an ATM... Tay would probably want to throw something at me if she were here.
Katie's party.
We were an eclectic bunch, indeed.
Manhunt, fireworks, cake took place. Much more happened.
Nine of us were laying on a hammock so it broke.
There were so many tiny skittish cats!
I climbed two trees. One was during Manhunt. I was the first to be found that time. Haha.
Then I climbed another, about 40 feet up maybe... and impressed a really worldly guy. Everyone looked up and was like wha?
Pssh. I love climbing trees.
And I'm retarded!
Okay, maybe not everyone SHOULD know what "land shark" means, but... everyone is wayyyy more familiar with sex and drugs than I am.
And I don't want to be more familiar with either of the two. Not a common reaction at all.
At the same time, I don't feel the need to (no offense to Jessica S.) announce that I am "innocent."
I mean, I make perverted jokes all the time. The only difference is... that's where it stops. Notice, comment, rinse, repeat.
I spent so long with, essentially, no friends, that I hadn't realized what EVERYONE else was up to. (Holy crap, TM sure opened up...) Now every time I hang out with people, I get surprised. It's kind of fun.
It's so cool that there are people whom I think are cool and who are my friends.
Reid was being a Mike-poser, and Mike fired a WWI gun into the woods/lake area. Katie's mom got all worked up about it and told him to leave immediately, but he stayed... another two hours or so. Guns are scary but they provide excuses to have run off... hahaha.
They're all Disneyophiles. I'm lucky that I liked Disney when I was little. Now my attitude towards everything is a sort of complex miasma of different perspectives that condense and blend together into ambivalence soup. My special brew. Not to say my mind is more complicated / unique than other people's... it's actually rather annoying. My logic, for example, is strange.
Dealing with happy grown-ups I just have to smile and make up something that sounds good. It's somewhere in my range of thoughts, so it's still truthful.
Pooh has wisdom.
I stepped in some, and so did Lauren. My car smelled like it in the morning.
Katie and Melody are twins and we had a sleepover. Yay!
My mom thinks we had a lesbian orgy.
Seriously, I'm like seven years old. Maybe six.
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no subject
Date: 2005-12-18 03:08 pm (UTC)And that makes two of us who are in that 6-7 range too. Unless you count Manco, which I don't.
I'd like to do something with you over break!!
I'm here the entire time because of circus, and I would really like to make plans with you. Have you seen RENT yet?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-18 03:57 pm (UTC)Yeah, I guessed you were in that range too. Heh. There are a few of us.
Poor Manco.
Lerrr. Today I'm doing traffic school for both myself and my mom. Eight hours of pain. (While I am sitting in front of the computer, at least 36 people will have died on the roadways in the United States. Sweet.) I hate how my parents make me do theirs. My dad made me do his last year. So I'm feeling irritable and using other websites in the background while the timer dies.
I'll find time to hang out. I always do. I really hope Chloe does manage a random party; it would be nice to see multiple familiar friend-type people within the course of the next two weeks.
I have to see your circus show as well!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-20 01:59 am (UTC)