sixteen blows (to the back of the head)
Oct. 29th, 2005 08:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageSome people have the impression that I hate them.
My grandmother, for one, is right.
Some people SHOULD have the impression I hate them, but don't.
My mother, for one.
Dan Curhan, another.
Reid McCullough, when he infringes on my personal space.
Sean Topping, for his habit of addressing all-female groups as "ladies."
Heather Howard, when she's being obsessive/ fangirly.
Liz Liberman. French Club.
Ariana Abid, who has a strange writing style and thinks highly of me even though I'm usually grumpy.
I hate randomly, but I like things randomly too.
For example, the way Paul Waters-Smith moves. It makes you somewhat nervous, but overall, it's just funny.
I notice a lot about how people move. You know, dance.
Well fuck you.
And if there is a God, fuck you.
Then ... fuck me.
Oh, the things my dad says when he's plastered.
Autumn Treats and XBOX Guess make me MISERABLE.
I suppose I should discuss yesterday. Get it off my little breast bone (oh the dreadful wind and rain) (song on npr, it was sunny yesterday)
Yeh. So, Lang essay when I got up at like 3, it was NOT a descriptive thing so I had to redo it. I didn't have time to shower so I had bad hair for the day. I wore the most unattractive outfit ever. The internet still wasn't working.
They were having the A-B "Breakfast Bonanza" and I didn't get to go. Every bagel I saw laughed at me. The cream cheese was worse. That comes later. McCracken refused to even look at my book review until the day report cards came out. So I got a 79. After eight consecutive Straight A luncheons, the bagels zoom in and jeer at me because I don't deserve them. I didn't even want a bagel, it's just... everyone had them and I "wasn't good enough" when really I should have been there and I COULD have gotten straight A's if I didn't suck so much at life.
Congres tryouts are Wednesday. Oh goody. And a retainer appt. on Halloween.
Lauren and Kate were in Williamsburg.
In French class I sorted out the deliveries. In History I worked with the lists some more. I love Dr. Feldkircher and his sweatervests. I left five minutes early to go set up because I remembered the Straight A lunch that was totally out of my league was taking over the entire audiorium terrace.
So I expect to put the crap down and go off to art.
Lauer had expressly forbidden me to spend art time selling pumpkins, and I fully expected to find someone to sell them for me.
Not one high schooler walked past me.
I didn't see Calliope in the field or the art room.
Lauren was in Williamsburg so she couldn't find people for me.
I was an island.
Nobody would help me.
And I only had one pen.
A red one.
I couldn't leave.
A little boy walks over, commenting that "that's our table" whereupon I indicate that the straight A tables laden with sandwiches and chips currently occupied the entire terrace and left no room for slackers with C's and no friends to help them. He wasn't amused. Little boys from the next table over begin to heckle me.
Then it turns into outright harassment.
They pull at the things I taped down. One boy sticks the pumpkin to his forehead again and again. One asks if he can make a paper airplane out of the paper. What material is this made out of? Is it polyester?
No, it's plastic.
what's tape made out of?
They dropped the tape in the dirt.
They said the XBOX Guess was a ripoff... then one unscrewed the lid and began to pull out the necklaces. do I know how many there are? maybe can I count them?? no. they took them out. I put them back in. They had been tossing the container around, but now one ran off with it. I told them to give it back but they didn,t at least for a few minutes.
Mr. Largo was right there. He looked at me at least once.
I tried to look professional.
But little hands were reaching into the cash box, trying to take out the money.
I was holding the written cards in my hand so I could record them, but I couldn't because the little girls were buying a lot (McKayla Taaffe bought 6, another girl bought 10 today and apparently 6 another)and using the pen. The little boys were asking to see the cards and trying to rip them out of my hand. The little girls didn't want them to see. A few times, the girls pulled the top card back out of my hand to change it.
One boy wanted to send a card but only had 45 cents. He didn't really want to send a card, he just tried to piss me off. He said he lived in saint williams orphanage, and that his parents were both dead. He didn't know what his shirt meant because he got it at Goodwill. Don't I want to make an orphan happy?
Obviously not.
The little girls told me not to listen to him and sucked greedily on their popsicles. (A little girl passed out popsicles top all the kids because it was her birthday.) One of them pulled accomplice when one of the boys said his sister sent the cards so he should look at them. I said even his sister wouldn't want him to see them.
Another boy just wanted to send one for free.
He kept trying to pull a blank card out, but I either held them down or took it back from him. He asked my name. I said why.
I gave him my first name. Everyone's ass is named Nicole. He can't do anything with it.
How old are you?
16
What grade?
11th.
some kind of comment.
can you drive? yes.
can you drive me to chuck e cheeses? no
do you have a job? yes
where do you work? I work for a lawyer.
do you have a boyfriend? I have seven.
are you married? yes. I've been divorced several times.
Are you cheating on anyone? no
do you have kids? several
you should work at a modeling agency. you're pretty. give me a card. you should be a princess. Can I have a card now?
don't you eat?
he doesn't. they point to the other boy. He's an orphan.
Finally he got a card out of the folder. My heart sank.
Can I send this to Harry Johnson?
I knew the joke.
I told him if Harry Johnson went to Pine View, which he doesn't.
They were talking about how he's tall and long, how do I not know Harry Johnson, somebody has one.. chuckle chuckle.
I didn't find it humorous in the least.
They asked me the riddles off their popsicle sticks. I read the answers right off them. They kep asking to look at all the cards. I kept saying no. They kept trying to reach into the cash box, rearranging the stuff on the table. They folded the tape on the guess pad under and crinkled its pages.
Are you Misty Bustle? this is hers.
she's the club sponsor.
What are you doing tonight? I'm working.
How about the weekend? Wanna go out? no.
another of the boys is kneeling on the bench and rubbing his popsicle around on his tongue, staring at me.
the little girls keep buying cards.
A few of them "can't fold them"
They all want pens, but the one girl took the pen and went off somewhere. She brings it back eventually, but I have to tell each of them I don't know where it is.
A little boy wants a card and doesn't have a pen or pencil.
He whines angrily at the girl taking forever to decide who to send her card to.
The other girls huddle around her and hide the name and giggle.
McKayla fills out her cards right on top of the campus map.
None of the girls' cards have the room numbers on them.
More work for me later.
The fields whistle had blown a long time ago and I can't get them to go away.
Send it Send it! I hear a chorus or yells.
You have to send this.
It's the card he started to write Harry on, scribbled with other information and splattered with fruit punch, smeared with cream cheese.
You didn't pay for that. You have to pay a dollar to send a pumpkin.
And that's NOT cream cheese!
They're not supposed to know about that.
6th graders.
I was sweating in the sun.
no high schoolers still. My worst anxiety confirmed. I had missed art.
They ripped the question mark on top of the beads container off to reveal the tropicana logo on the lid.
She said you could trade her a gatorade for a pumpkin. I didn't.
Gatordaes a dollar. can I have a pumkin.
You've already drunk some of it. No I didn't It came that way.
If these were my kids they would have been drowned at birth.
I couldn't believe them.
Totally irreverent.
I was AFRAID of high schoolers.
I'm still nervous when I walk up to people behind tables selling things, etc.
Just when I walk up to people..
I wanted to yell at them. They made me feel positively shitty. Way to ruin Nicole's day.
That's what I get when I take their table.
So i pick up the pieces. I had already tried to rearrange the stuff that had been taped down. I pick up the roll of table in the dirt under the table. I get the question mark thing that had blown away. I throw away soem cookies left on the table. And popcorn (you're a bad salesperson, there's popcorn on that card now. (when the wind blew the bag over and kernels onto the card))
One boy comes back. I'm so stupid. I lost my cookie. I got a cookie for free and now I lost it.
Made me feel worse.
5th period. Hillary's at violin, I thought, doomed.
Nothing could have made me happier than the sight of George.
Had the orchestra kids been let out yet?
After a few minutes of waiting expectantly, I remembered with a sinking spirit that he had gon to Blue Key.
Ron wlaks past.
He has to do a lab.
Kelcey has to make up a test.
Sami and some other girl in my grade I forget can't do it.
Elizabeth can't but she;'ll put the stuff away.
Priscilla and her freinds want to buy cards.
I freak out. Elizabeth takes over.
My mom makes a snotty comment as I pass her.
I'm late for computer.
I go to stuff pumpkins. Elizabeth's the only one there. Erich and Nick are the only two of Brians friends that showed.
Brian sayssnarkily. Your art teacher wants to see you. she looks mad. She said you're gonna get a referral. You weren't at art class.
So I get the pumpkin out of my car and dump them on tay. just get them to the room, that's all.
Lauer tells me no sympathy. I'm doing toomuch. She's going to yell at Mrs. BUstle.
I've overloaded myself with the APs.
I haven't worked for a week and a half and I've done one project all year.
Does that make her happy?
Evidently not?
I expressed my frustration and sorrow.
I cried.
Lily was sitting at the computer awkwardly.
Lauer told me to quit an AP
I'm missing out on life
I wanted to tell her no, to argue, but I REALLY didnt want to argue
sean and tay and them were sitting on benches and didn't say hi
I stalked off into the woods.
and cried
and felt bad
knees on the asphalt
watched a dead ant corpse floating on the backs of much tinier ants
shuffled pine needles around with a pine needle
heard footsteps
boy with brown hair is walking the opposite direction.
so I got up and walked further away
and then back out
to stuff pumpkins.
Not enough pumpkins.
320something cards, some missing, some not numbered.
More work for me.
Deliveries not worked out.
taylor at blue key
bustle away
Not enough candy.
Reid caught me on the way to my car.
Why do I do this? Do I like interact?
not anymore
he wouldn't do it...
...and he's happy.
maybe I'm not smart enough to pick up all the little hints life is throwing me.
I'm life's bitch.
I forgot my laptop at bustles
found index card in the grass.
destroy destruction: ravage.
gave it to lily
more booksin my locker
no crossword all week
talked to nemal and matt and lily
what would I do without you guys (my pockets came sewn shut and I was disappointed to not be able to use them) I wante dto throw away the index card, found a trash can, did.
and the other one back at the computer.
and I left
went to work
My grandmother, for one, is right.
Some people SHOULD have the impression I hate them, but don't.
My mother, for one.
Dan Curhan, another.
Reid McCullough, when he infringes on my personal space.
Sean Topping, for his habit of addressing all-female groups as "ladies."
Heather Howard, when she's being obsessive/ fangirly.
Liz Liberman. French Club.
Ariana Abid, who has a strange writing style and thinks highly of me even though I'm usually grumpy.
I hate randomly, but I like things randomly too.
For example, the way Paul Waters-Smith moves. It makes you somewhat nervous, but overall, it's just funny.
I notice a lot about how people move. You know, dance.
Well fuck you.
And if there is a God, fuck you.
Then ... fuck me.
Oh, the things my dad says when he's plastered.
Autumn Treats and XBOX Guess make me MISERABLE.
I suppose I should discuss yesterday. Get it off my little breast bone (oh the dreadful wind and rain) (song on npr, it was sunny yesterday)
Yeh. So, Lang essay when I got up at like 3, it was NOT a descriptive thing so I had to redo it. I didn't have time to shower so I had bad hair for the day. I wore the most unattractive outfit ever. The internet still wasn't working.
They were having the A-B "Breakfast Bonanza" and I didn't get to go. Every bagel I saw laughed at me. The cream cheese was worse. That comes later. McCracken refused to even look at my book review until the day report cards came out. So I got a 79. After eight consecutive Straight A luncheons, the bagels zoom in and jeer at me because I don't deserve them. I didn't even want a bagel, it's just... everyone had them and I "wasn't good enough" when really I should have been there and I COULD have gotten straight A's if I didn't suck so much at life.
Congres tryouts are Wednesday. Oh goody. And a retainer appt. on Halloween.
Lauren and Kate were in Williamsburg.
In French class I sorted out the deliveries. In History I worked with the lists some more. I love Dr. Feldkircher and his sweatervests. I left five minutes early to go set up because I remembered the Straight A lunch that was totally out of my league was taking over the entire audiorium terrace.
So I expect to put the crap down and go off to art.
Lauer had expressly forbidden me to spend art time selling pumpkins, and I fully expected to find someone to sell them for me.
Not one high schooler walked past me.
I didn't see Calliope in the field or the art room.
Lauren was in Williamsburg so she couldn't find people for me.
I was an island.
Nobody would help me.
And I only had one pen.
A red one.
I couldn't leave.
A little boy walks over, commenting that "that's our table" whereupon I indicate that the straight A tables laden with sandwiches and chips currently occupied the entire terrace and left no room for slackers with C's and no friends to help them. He wasn't amused. Little boys from the next table over begin to heckle me.
Then it turns into outright harassment.
They pull at the things I taped down. One boy sticks the pumpkin to his forehead again and again. One asks if he can make a paper airplane out of the paper. What material is this made out of? Is it polyester?
No, it's plastic.
what's tape made out of?
They dropped the tape in the dirt.
They said the XBOX Guess was a ripoff... then one unscrewed the lid and began to pull out the necklaces. do I know how many there are? maybe can I count them?? no. they took them out. I put them back in. They had been tossing the container around, but now one ran off with it. I told them to give it back but they didn,t at least for a few minutes.
Mr. Largo was right there. He looked at me at least once.
I tried to look professional.
But little hands were reaching into the cash box, trying to take out the money.
I was holding the written cards in my hand so I could record them, but I couldn't because the little girls were buying a lot (McKayla Taaffe bought 6, another girl bought 10 today and apparently 6 another)and using the pen. The little boys were asking to see the cards and trying to rip them out of my hand. The little girls didn't want them to see. A few times, the girls pulled the top card back out of my hand to change it.
One boy wanted to send a card but only had 45 cents. He didn't really want to send a card, he just tried to piss me off. He said he lived in saint williams orphanage, and that his parents were both dead. He didn't know what his shirt meant because he got it at Goodwill. Don't I want to make an orphan happy?
Obviously not.
The little girls told me not to listen to him and sucked greedily on their popsicles. (A little girl passed out popsicles top all the kids because it was her birthday.) One of them pulled accomplice when one of the boys said his sister sent the cards so he should look at them. I said even his sister wouldn't want him to see them.
Another boy just wanted to send one for free.
He kept trying to pull a blank card out, but I either held them down or took it back from him. He asked my name. I said why.
I gave him my first name. Everyone's ass is named Nicole. He can't do anything with it.
How old are you?
16
What grade?
11th.
some kind of comment.
can you drive? yes.
can you drive me to chuck e cheeses? no
do you have a job? yes
where do you work? I work for a lawyer.
do you have a boyfriend? I have seven.
are you married? yes. I've been divorced several times.
Are you cheating on anyone? no
do you have kids? several
you should work at a modeling agency. you're pretty. give me a card. you should be a princess. Can I have a card now?
don't you eat?
he doesn't. they point to the other boy. He's an orphan.
Finally he got a card out of the folder. My heart sank.
Can I send this to Harry Johnson?
I knew the joke.
I told him if Harry Johnson went to Pine View, which he doesn't.
They were talking about how he's tall and long, how do I not know Harry Johnson, somebody has one.. chuckle chuckle.
I didn't find it humorous in the least.
They asked me the riddles off their popsicle sticks. I read the answers right off them. They kep asking to look at all the cards. I kept saying no. They kept trying to reach into the cash box, rearranging the stuff on the table. They folded the tape on the guess pad under and crinkled its pages.
Are you Misty Bustle? this is hers.
she's the club sponsor.
What are you doing tonight? I'm working.
How about the weekend? Wanna go out? no.
another of the boys is kneeling on the bench and rubbing his popsicle around on his tongue, staring at me.
the little girls keep buying cards.
A few of them "can't fold them"
They all want pens, but the one girl took the pen and went off somewhere. She brings it back eventually, but I have to tell each of them I don't know where it is.
A little boy wants a card and doesn't have a pen or pencil.
He whines angrily at the girl taking forever to decide who to send her card to.
The other girls huddle around her and hide the name and giggle.
McKayla fills out her cards right on top of the campus map.
None of the girls' cards have the room numbers on them.
More work for me later.
The fields whistle had blown a long time ago and I can't get them to go away.
Send it Send it! I hear a chorus or yells.
You have to send this.
It's the card he started to write Harry on, scribbled with other information and splattered with fruit punch, smeared with cream cheese.
You didn't pay for that. You have to pay a dollar to send a pumpkin.
And that's NOT cream cheese!
They're not supposed to know about that.
6th graders.
I was sweating in the sun.
no high schoolers still. My worst anxiety confirmed. I had missed art.
They ripped the question mark on top of the beads container off to reveal the tropicana logo on the lid.
She said you could trade her a gatorade for a pumpkin. I didn't.
Gatordaes a dollar. can I have a pumkin.
You've already drunk some of it. No I didn't It came that way.
If these were my kids they would have been drowned at birth.
I couldn't believe them.
Totally irreverent.
I was AFRAID of high schoolers.
I'm still nervous when I walk up to people behind tables selling things, etc.
Just when I walk up to people..
I wanted to yell at them. They made me feel positively shitty. Way to ruin Nicole's day.
That's what I get when I take their table.
So i pick up the pieces. I had already tried to rearrange the stuff that had been taped down. I pick up the roll of table in the dirt under the table. I get the question mark thing that had blown away. I throw away soem cookies left on the table. And popcorn (you're a bad salesperson, there's popcorn on that card now. (when the wind blew the bag over and kernels onto the card))
One boy comes back. I'm so stupid. I lost my cookie. I got a cookie for free and now I lost it.
Made me feel worse.
5th period. Hillary's at violin, I thought, doomed.
Nothing could have made me happier than the sight of George.
Had the orchestra kids been let out yet?
After a few minutes of waiting expectantly, I remembered with a sinking spirit that he had gon to Blue Key.
Ron wlaks past.
He has to do a lab.
Kelcey has to make up a test.
Sami and some other girl in my grade I forget can't do it.
Elizabeth can't but she;'ll put the stuff away.
Priscilla and her freinds want to buy cards.
I freak out. Elizabeth takes over.
My mom makes a snotty comment as I pass her.
I'm late for computer.
I go to stuff pumpkins. Elizabeth's the only one there. Erich and Nick are the only two of Brians friends that showed.
Brian sayssnarkily. Your art teacher wants to see you. she looks mad. She said you're gonna get a referral. You weren't at art class.
So I get the pumpkin out of my car and dump them on tay. just get them to the room, that's all.
Lauer tells me no sympathy. I'm doing toomuch. She's going to yell at Mrs. BUstle.
I've overloaded myself with the APs.
I haven't worked for a week and a half and I've done one project all year.
Does that make her happy?
Evidently not?
I expressed my frustration and sorrow.
I cried.
Lily was sitting at the computer awkwardly.
Lauer told me to quit an AP
I'm missing out on life
I wanted to tell her no, to argue, but I REALLY didnt want to argue
sean and tay and them were sitting on benches and didn't say hi
I stalked off into the woods.
and cried
and felt bad
knees on the asphalt
watched a dead ant corpse floating on the backs of much tinier ants
shuffled pine needles around with a pine needle
heard footsteps
boy with brown hair is walking the opposite direction.
so I got up and walked further away
and then back out
to stuff pumpkins.
Not enough pumpkins.
320something cards, some missing, some not numbered.
More work for me.
Deliveries not worked out.
taylor at blue key
bustle away
Not enough candy.
Reid caught me on the way to my car.
Why do I do this? Do I like interact?
not anymore
he wouldn't do it...
...and he's happy.
maybe I'm not smart enough to pick up all the little hints life is throwing me.
I'm life's bitch.
I forgot my laptop at bustles
found index card in the grass.
destroy destruction: ravage.
gave it to lily
more booksin my locker
no crossword all week
talked to nemal and matt and lily
what would I do without you guys (my pockets came sewn shut and I was disappointed to not be able to use them) I wante dto throw away the index card, found a trash can, did.
and the other one back at the computer.
and I left
went to work
