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Dec. 2nd, 2006 04:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phthalombrageThree long trains of thought and a brief vignette from Physics class:
When I was about five years old, I liked to read the Babysitter's Club and Babysitter's Club Little Sister books. It's embarrassing. However, I am proud to announce that I did not read the Sweet Valley High series because I acknowledged even at that time that they were cheesy, shallow, and commercialistic.
How did I discern that?
Too many coincidences with society's ideals.
So how did I figure this out when I was five?
Pretty much every book in the series began with something like:
Jessica and whatever her sister's name was were beautiful twins with flashing green eyes and long, silky light blonde hair. They were very popular at school [like you are not, if you are reading this book]. They were pretty much identical -- always smiling, happy and friendly -- but one of them liked pink best and the other's favorite color was blue so you know they're okay and individual and all that. Sometimes they wore the SAME outfit, sometimes it was a different color. So one week there were cheerleading tryouts...
And sure enough, the babysitter books were similarly divided stereotypically... Oh shit, I still remember their names...
Kristy was the butch ponytail-wearing softball player one.
Claudia was the stylish Asian.
Mary Anne was shy and obeyed her strict father.
And the fourth one was something else.
Then they kind of jumped the shark. New people moved there and joined.
Dawn was the glamorous Californian.
There was an ugly one with huge glasses... Mallory?
There was a black one named Jessi who did ballet or rode horses, I forget which, but it was a girly sport.
Mallory and Jessi were also younger so they could carry on the dynasty.
And then I forget what happened. I stoppped reading about the other people who showed up to save the sinking ship and generate profits.
But I remember distinctly liking "getting to know them" at the beginning of the books. Every book had a similar intro in case you picked up the series with that book, but occasionally they would allude to the past books, explaining what had happened in case you hadn't read it or forgot. The Little Sister books always said:
Karen Brewster was a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and glasses [she's visually impaired, so she's not a PERFECT Aryan]. She liked to ride her bike with pink streamers on the handlebars, but once she fell off and scraped her knee. One day she was out riding her bike and...
I totally forget why I liked those books. I think it was because I didn't have any friends, only a few girls around the neighborhood who were older than I was and would invite me to their birthday party if somebody else RSVP'd that they couldn't come
I guess they do a good job of getting their target market to keep reading, serving as a tremplin to greater literary heights. Oh, and they previennent les jeunes gens de se suicider. I said that's what friends were good for in a French timed writing yesterday, so I guess books were my friends. That's how I got to be so cool and popular today.
Anyway, now I prefer when there isn't that helpful little explanatory passage at the beginning of a book. In medias res is the way to be. Virginia Woolf never let you know what was going on right away -- you have to figure it out for yourself. Sometimes when you're reading a book, you think "whoa... is this guy retarded?", and if you're reading As I Lay Dying, yes, Vardaman is. You solved the puzzle and don't win a prize. Now that's really how life works.
Anyway, I was at Pine View yesterday wandering campus like an unrecognized child molester who comes to schools just to be near children when I noticed a compact, muscular figure walking up the sidewalk toward me with great conviction. It had bald, gleaming, bronzed legs, probably composed of a high-density polymer coated with several layers of lacquer, long, varnished acrylic fingernails, and a coat of heavy makeup: surplus foundation, mascara, eyeliner and lipgloss. The hair was mechanically straightened, long, and brown, pulled slickly back with gel into a tight ponytail, and the figure was draped in black Soffes and a loose black sweatshirt that read "Florida Jammers." When it passed me, not looking sideways or seeming to notice me, still focused insularly on following the factory-designed circuit's instructions, the top of its shiny little head barely reached my shoulder.
A future Stepford wife, aged between seventeen and twenty years at present, she was clearly one of the instructors of those annoying little untalented mufti cheerleaders waving flashing iridescent pink plastic pom-poms at the Senior-Faculty volleyball game. I was lucky that I had initially been standing slightly to the right of her predetermined path, because she probably would have marched right over me rather than shift to the side of the perfect, laser-straight invisible line she was walking.
I don't want to go to school for dance, no no.
One of the hardest things for me at college will be dealing with different people. Removed from my controlled environment of mostly smart people who have been a basic, inevitable part of every day of my life for the past ten or so years, I will be surrounded by a fresh batch of youth with both foreign and domestic origins.
I made a mental list of people I can get along with due to shared interests:
Smart people
Creative people
Artistic people without superiority complexes
Nerds of all stamps: computer nerds, math nerds, physics nerds, reading nerds, French nerds
People who speak French... well
People fascinated by internal combustion engines who can also read
People who are random when not under the influence of controlled substances
People who would rather not use controlled substances
People who enjoy libraries and might have worked in one
People who would rather go to a library than a frat party
People who would rather not go out
People who stare, but not excessively
People who listen to NPR
People who listen to classical music in general
People who prefer opera, ballet and modern dance to rap and hip hop
Gay men (see above)
Future weird little old men
People who do not eat meat but are not militant about it
People who eat tofu
People who can teach me how to make things
People who know Japanese or Polish and can teach me
People with weird accents, natural or otherwise
People in full pirate regalia
Scary people who have not previously killed or mortally wounded any small animals
Dissenters
Liberals
Socialists
Communists
And other subversive types
People who can kill you just by looking at you
People who can program their calculators to kill you in your sleep
People who appreciate a good rain
People who knit scarves
People who like Radiohead but do not obsess
People who choose not to watch TV unless it is educational or Electric Discourse
People who watch obscure anime and do not obsess
People who read newspapers
People who do crosswords
People who do the Jumble
People who read the comics for Foxtrot
People who would rather play Scrabble than Monopoly
People who would rather play Zigity than Risk
People who play default Windows games
People who photoshop in MSPaint
People who adore the internet
People who like cats but do not own any sweatshirts with cat photos on them
People who erroneously believe they are the Messiah
"Quakers with a Vengeance"
People who remember thousands of random things
People who can talk for hours about an esoteric thing
People who appreciate non-club techno
People involved in robotics whose last names do not rhyme with "Revenson-Toe"
Sarcastic people
Cynical people
People with a dry wit
People who appreciate dark humor
People who appreciate puns
People who joke about fascist and communist dictators
People who joke about squirrels
Jesting sardonic bastards
Conservatives who let you make fun of them
Mercantilists
People who like French history
People who like Enlightenment thought
People who laugh at Frederick the Great
People who like the Romantic art and literature (not romance novels)
People who read the novels of suicidal authors
People who like Modern period art and literature
People who write good poetry
People who understand mythological references
People who wake up with physics emergencies
People who think calculus is fun
People who enjoy graphs
People who make lists
People who would be difficult to live with:
Militant fundamentalist Christians
Crack dealers
Self-righteous art students
Cheerleaders
Competition dancers
Pole dancers like Laura Benson
Homophobes who do not let you make fun of them
Most debutantes (Taylor is okay)
People who obsess over bands and TV series
People with no sense of humor
Future serial killers
Future ministers
Future soccer moms
Proud vegans
Jocks
Feminazis
People who stare at chests
People who remember the Alamo
Racists
Texans
Mormons
People who adore country western music
People who own two or more items emblazoned with a confederate flag
People with tattoos of the confederate flag, naked ladies, and eagles
People who eat Spam
People who are stupid and proud of it
Ignorant bastards
Narcissists
People who would rather die than do calculus
People who love large dogs
People who have known large dogs in the biblical sense
Conquerers
People who stay up all night playing MMORPGs
People who adore 4chan
People who do not use the Internet more than once a month
People who ardently hate France
People who are ruthlessly tidy
People who chew tobacco
People who pronounce "mischievous" "mis-chee-vee-us"
People with Wisconsin accents, dontcha know
Presidential supporters
Athletic supporters
Capitalists
Uxoricidal maniacs
People with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
People whose cats are their children
Any remaining Luddites
People who have never brushed their teeth
People who love military history
People who write sucky teen poetry
People who read romance novels
People who are persistently listless
If they don't agree with a few of the items on my good list, it's okay, and if they agree with a few items on my bad list, it's similarly okay.
I'm just worried because a lot of people in the world ARE my bad list.
Rob: You know what would be great right about now?
Nicole: A back rub from Eric?
Rob: NO.
(Later...)
(Eric's hand reaches for Rob's back)
Rob: Don't touch me!
(Rob runs over to couch)
When I was about five years old, I liked to read the Babysitter's Club and Babysitter's Club Little Sister books. It's embarrassing. However, I am proud to announce that I did not read the Sweet Valley High series because I acknowledged even at that time that they were cheesy, shallow, and commercialistic.
How did I discern that?
Too many coincidences with society's ideals.
So how did I figure this out when I was five?
Pretty much every book in the series began with something like:
Jessica and whatever her sister's name was were beautiful twins with flashing green eyes and long, silky light blonde hair. They were very popular at school [like you are not, if you are reading this book]. They were pretty much identical -- always smiling, happy and friendly -- but one of them liked pink best and the other's favorite color was blue so you know they're okay and individual and all that. Sometimes they wore the SAME outfit, sometimes it was a different color. So one week there were cheerleading tryouts...
And sure enough, the babysitter books were similarly divided stereotypically... Oh shit, I still remember their names...
Kristy was the butch ponytail-wearing softball player one.
Claudia was the stylish Asian.
Mary Anne was shy and obeyed her strict father.
And the fourth one was something else.
Then they kind of jumped the shark. New people moved there and joined.
Dawn was the glamorous Californian.
There was an ugly one with huge glasses... Mallory?
There was a black one named Jessi who did ballet or rode horses, I forget which, but it was a girly sport.
Mallory and Jessi were also younger so they could carry on the dynasty.
And then I forget what happened. I stoppped reading about the other people who showed up to save the sinking ship and generate profits.
But I remember distinctly liking "getting to know them" at the beginning of the books. Every book had a similar intro in case you picked up the series with that book, but occasionally they would allude to the past books, explaining what had happened in case you hadn't read it or forgot. The Little Sister books always said:
Karen Brewster was a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and glasses [she's visually impaired, so she's not a PERFECT Aryan]. She liked to ride her bike with pink streamers on the handlebars, but once she fell off and scraped her knee. One day she was out riding her bike and...
I totally forget why I liked those books. I think it was because I didn't have any friends, only a few girls around the neighborhood who were older than I was and would invite me to their birthday party if somebody else RSVP'd that they couldn't come
I guess they do a good job of getting their target market to keep reading, serving as a tremplin to greater literary heights. Oh, and they previennent les jeunes gens de se suicider. I said that's what friends were good for in a French timed writing yesterday, so I guess books were my friends. That's how I got to be so cool and popular today.
Anyway, now I prefer when there isn't that helpful little explanatory passage at the beginning of a book. In medias res is the way to be. Virginia Woolf never let you know what was going on right away -- you have to figure it out for yourself. Sometimes when you're reading a book, you think "whoa... is this guy retarded?", and if you're reading As I Lay Dying, yes, Vardaman is. You solved the puzzle and don't win a prize. Now that's really how life works.
Anyway, I was at Pine View yesterday wandering campus like an unrecognized child molester who comes to schools just to be near children when I noticed a compact, muscular figure walking up the sidewalk toward me with great conviction. It had bald, gleaming, bronzed legs, probably composed of a high-density polymer coated with several layers of lacquer, long, varnished acrylic fingernails, and a coat of heavy makeup: surplus foundation, mascara, eyeliner and lipgloss. The hair was mechanically straightened, long, and brown, pulled slickly back with gel into a tight ponytail, and the figure was draped in black Soffes and a loose black sweatshirt that read "Florida Jammers." When it passed me, not looking sideways or seeming to notice me, still focused insularly on following the factory-designed circuit's instructions, the top of its shiny little head barely reached my shoulder.
A future Stepford wife, aged between seventeen and twenty years at present, she was clearly one of the instructors of those annoying little untalented mufti cheerleaders waving flashing iridescent pink plastic pom-poms at the Senior-Faculty volleyball game. I was lucky that I had initially been standing slightly to the right of her predetermined path, because she probably would have marched right over me rather than shift to the side of the perfect, laser-straight invisible line she was walking.
I don't want to go to school for dance, no no.
One of the hardest things for me at college will be dealing with different people. Removed from my controlled environment of mostly smart people who have been a basic, inevitable part of every day of my life for the past ten or so years, I will be surrounded by a fresh batch of youth with both foreign and domestic origins.
I made a mental list of people I can get along with due to shared interests:
Smart people
Creative people
Artistic people without superiority complexes
Nerds of all stamps: computer nerds, math nerds, physics nerds, reading nerds, French nerds
People who speak French... well
People fascinated by internal combustion engines who can also read
People who are random when not under the influence of controlled substances
People who would rather not use controlled substances
People who enjoy libraries and might have worked in one
People who would rather go to a library than a frat party
People who would rather not go out
People who stare, but not excessively
People who listen to NPR
People who listen to classical music in general
People who prefer opera, ballet and modern dance to rap and hip hop
Gay men (see above)
Future weird little old men
People who do not eat meat but are not militant about it
People who eat tofu
People who can teach me how to make things
People who know Japanese or Polish and can teach me
People with weird accents, natural or otherwise
People in full pirate regalia
Scary people who have not previously killed or mortally wounded any small animals
Dissenters
Liberals
Socialists
Communists
And other subversive types
People who can kill you just by looking at you
People who can program their calculators to kill you in your sleep
People who appreciate a good rain
People who knit scarves
People who like Radiohead but do not obsess
People who choose not to watch TV unless it is educational or Electric Discourse
People who watch obscure anime and do not obsess
People who read newspapers
People who do crosswords
People who do the Jumble
People who read the comics for Foxtrot
People who would rather play Scrabble than Monopoly
People who would rather play Zigity than Risk
People who play default Windows games
People who photoshop in MSPaint
People who adore the internet
People who like cats but do not own any sweatshirts with cat photos on them
People who erroneously believe they are the Messiah
"Quakers with a Vengeance"
People who remember thousands of random things
People who can talk for hours about an esoteric thing
People who appreciate non-club techno
People involved in robotics whose last names do not rhyme with "Revenson-Toe"
Sarcastic people
Cynical people
People with a dry wit
People who appreciate dark humor
People who appreciate puns
People who joke about fascist and communist dictators
People who joke about squirrels
Jesting sardonic bastards
Conservatives who let you make fun of them
Mercantilists
People who like French history
People who like Enlightenment thought
People who laugh at Frederick the Great
People who like the Romantic art and literature (not romance novels)
People who read the novels of suicidal authors
People who like Modern period art and literature
People who write good poetry
People who understand mythological references
People who wake up with physics emergencies
People who think calculus is fun
People who enjoy graphs
People who make lists
People who would be difficult to live with:
Militant fundamentalist Christians
Crack dealers
Self-righteous art students
Cheerleaders
Competition dancers
Pole dancers like Laura Benson
Homophobes who do not let you make fun of them
Most debutantes (Taylor is okay)
People who obsess over bands and TV series
People with no sense of humor
Future serial killers
Future ministers
Future soccer moms
Proud vegans
Jocks
Feminazis
People who stare at chests
People who remember the Alamo
Racists
Texans
Mormons
People who adore country western music
People who own two or more items emblazoned with a confederate flag
People with tattoos of the confederate flag, naked ladies, and eagles
People who eat Spam
People who are stupid and proud of it
Ignorant bastards
Narcissists
People who would rather die than do calculus
People who love large dogs
People who have known large dogs in the biblical sense
Conquerers
People who stay up all night playing MMORPGs
People who adore 4chan
People who do not use the Internet more than once a month
People who ardently hate France
People who are ruthlessly tidy
People who chew tobacco
People who pronounce "mischievous" "mis-chee-vee-us"
People with Wisconsin accents, dontcha know
Presidential supporters
Athletic supporters
Capitalists
Uxoricidal maniacs
People with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
People whose cats are their children
Any remaining Luddites
People who have never brushed their teeth
People who love military history
People who write sucky teen poetry
People who read romance novels
People who are persistently listless
If they don't agree with a few of the items on my good list, it's okay, and if they agree with a few items on my bad list, it's similarly okay.
I'm just worried because a lot of people in the world ARE my bad list.
Rob: You know what would be great right about now?
Nicole: A back rub from Eric?
Rob: NO.
(Later...)
(Eric's hand reaches for Rob's back)
Rob: Don't touch me!
(Rob runs over to couch)
