phthalombrage | The weird dreams committee...

So I dreamed my parents came for a surprise visit to Sherbrook. I see my mom. Oh, fuck her, I thought, I am on spring break, but she could have warned me. Then my dad steps in. I was like wtf? BOTH of my parents, together? "How did you get here?" My dad says "We flew up together." I was like WHAA?? My dad, on a plane? My mom and my dad? sitting next to each other for at least two hours?

Then Lea comes running down the stairs screaming "WAUGH IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"

I am pretty sure there were some large slimy monsters with spikes and armor in our basement, so I ran up the stairs. We camped out in the living room with the TV on in the background and tried to make a game plan. Members of Sherbrook present were: Lea, Trevor, Chris, me, and there was also a William and my parents. Kallisti had apparently been missing for a day, because animals can sense the apocalypse? We eventually decided that even though there were monsters in the basement, if we went there, they would go back into the ground, because the monsters were only there to scare us out of the basement, because that is the only place we would be safe. So we all took our laptops down to the basement and wondered why our internet was working when we knew outside it was pitch dark and we heard gusts of wind and screaming.

The monsters did actually retreat, but sometimes they grumbled at us. I IMed one of my friends, who I guess wasn't in Pittsburgh, who said he was in the lobby of a dentist's office, and was like "Hey! It's the apocalypse here! Is it there for you?" but sadly, never heard the answer, because then we heard heavy footsteps. My dad motioned to shut off the light. We all tried not to breathe. Chrisamaphone's laptop screen was pointed toward me (I was near the door) and glowing, and William reached over to shut it as quietly as possible.

Apparently the boot-clad enemy of the apocalypse is pretty dumb and didn't think to open the door. He went upstairs, poked around, and eventually left, crunching on something. When we heard the door close (such politesse!), I asked "wtf was he eating; all the humans are down here?" and Lea replied, "Oh, I baked some molasses cookies because that's what you leave out for the horsemen of the apocalypse when they visit." "Sort of like Santa?" "Yes. Exactly. Except for the battleaxe."

So we flipped the light back on (why did we have power, either? Isn't the apocalypse like a hurricane or something?), surfed the internet some more, and then we hear a lighter set of footprints. My dad motions that it's safe to let him in. "Well!" says the man brightly. "You're the first survivors I've found! Apparently the monsters got everyone pretty good, and nobody else figured out that they needed to be in their basements. A bus is going to come in a little while, so pack your bags." I asked him what we needed to wear, and he grinned and said, "Wear socks." Lea asked if that was all, and he retorted, "Well, if you like, but it's the apocalypse, so you might need more clothes than that."

So we scrambled up the stairs, and I asked Chrisamaphone if she thought I should bring my laptop, and she said there probably wouldn't be wifi wherever we were going (none of us knew where, but were all somehow following along), but she was bringing hers. I was eventually dissuaded because only the heavy one works right now, and went around collecting articles of clothing to put on my body and in a suitcase. Strangely, my mom was packing things into a suitcase, even though she probably should have arrived with a fully-packed one? But maybe she was packing some of my clothes.

A new visitor arrived. He was squirting chemicals at the dead plants in our yard, explaining that they would kill people. He came inside and started spraying things... and the bastard sprayed my suitcase. Somehow my tights and my socks came off and I had to go look for them, and then I wasn't wearing a shirt anymore after I looked really hard to find a bra. The only shirts I had were apparently in the contaminated suitcase, and I really wanted to wear a shirt, so I slipped one on. No searing flesh? No smoke? I was told (was the guy removing my clothes with his mind? I was really confused and creeped out) that there was an octopus figurine inside my suitcase (without my knowledge thereof) and that since it was like a squid, and a squid was somehow related to Evan, it would be okay. In fact, since Evan had lived in this house before, everything he touched was safe, and the guy was only going around spraying in rooms Evan had used to psyche us out. I thanked him, and went around looking for my ID card and driver's license, because they need your ID wherever we were going?

We see a huge (at least twelve-person) van pull up, and guess who's the volunteer driver? "DOM!" Trevor shouts, "You fucker! That's where you went!" and Dom nods and bounces and carmen! pops out of the back hatch of the van and they both start helping us load our crap in. And I realize I forgot to pack a jacket for the apocalypse, so I run upstairs and am really surprised they are waiting for me. But it turns out Lea needed to fetch something (mulling spices?) also crucial to the apocalypse, and she got in after me and we hurried to close the door because the guy with the sprayer was approaching and our van don't got no Evan's magic touch.

Chris discovered there was also wi-fi in the van, and we rumbled down the bumpy bricks of Sherbrook and I woke up.