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Apparently my mom has holey tonsils too. I discovered this in the dentist's lobby on Christmas Eve, but all I had done was a normal cleaning.

Being home is weird. None of my friends here have gotten in touch, and I am okay with that because there are definitely some amongst the ones that might want to hang out whom I don't want to see. My family is crazy and keeping me busy. I have fallen into a nocturnal sort of schedule again. Right now I am overstuffed with food.

France stuff is full of snafus. I may be able to go on time if my study abroad advisor faxes a letter to the consulate next week. It is mostly looking like I will be a little late.
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I got internship paperwork today, so I called the French consulate to ask what I should do. They said bring what I have so far and come to the appointment I made for next Wednesday. They couldn't tell me on the phone whether I would need to fly back to America to apply for the internship visa separately, whether I could stay on a student visa, how long I would need to plan to stay here if I did need to fly back... Apparently my situation is confusing and unique, or something.

And since I also received news this week that the MSE department arbitrarily starts 3 weeks in advance of EVERYONE ELSE at the school in France, I only have 6 weeks before I go, meaning 3-4 weeks to receive finalized internship paperwork, including a letter from the French government saying they realize I will be working in France. I may or may not need to go back to DC after I finish my finals. YAY. Or I may just need to... come back in May. Woo.

I also still don't know whether a new agreement has been signed yet, but I am otherwise almost done with the paperwork I need to send the school for housing. My advisor needs to be in his office more.

In other news, my other tonsil is starting to turn, and the holes in the first one have gotten deeper. There are nine of them, and the new holes in the other tonsil are 2 or 3? large ones, accompanied by some pocking that seems to indicate new developments soon. I'ma ask about this when I go to the dentist in Florida in like a month; Health Services was unhelpful.
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Since this lj is apparently mostly about weird stuff that happens to my body...

I got a sore throat on like Thursday of last week that has persisted until now. Sunday night I lost my voice, it was so bad.

I think I fixed it?

The problem was: tonsilloliths. I noticed while flossing that poo-smelling crud seemed to be stuck between my molars. I guess it wasn't actually stuck in my teeth; they were just in point-blank range of the throat poo. I had noticed that a gaping vagina had appeared on my left tonsil on like Sunday, but I thought it was just some blistering, like I had tonsillitis, but I didn't have other symptoms. Yesterday and today I have been poking my tonsils with fingers, q-tips, bobby pins, a toothbrush, etc., trying to dig around in said tonsil-gina. A q-tip soaked in hydrogen peroxide followed by bobby-pin removal is most efficient. Anyway, stuff is out, and I hope it was everything, but from now on, I will be super paranoid and stick fingers down my throat a lot. I will probably also buy some mouthwash. I have never noticed these before, but it says online that adults are more susceptible, especially in allergy season or when they have post-nasal drip, and I always have all kinds of nose-running action when it gets cold.
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BLAWW )

On the bright side: I have been accepted to my second-choice study abroad program and am still waiting on the decision for the first.
If my French prof is sick again tomorrow, I won't have to go to stupid class (not to be confused with lolclass) at all this week, even if I did have to do extra work because of that.
My midsemester grades are the best they have been since freshman year. Hooray no CS classes.
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Sometimes I think that if I were born before the internet, I wouldn't talk to many people at all. The MSE cluster is more convenient for me a lot of the time this year... I might want to print for free, might need certain files or software, might not feel like walking to that side of Wean, might not feel like being sandwiched between bunches and bunches of chattery dudes. I also don't feel like hearing about CS that much, especially things I am bad at like 213. It just wouldn't fit with all my other commitments, and not everyone is cut out to manipulate bits and hack systems.

I just submitted study abroad stuff last week and am crossing my fingers for an indefinite time. I am really excited to go abroad, partly because I need a break, from rough academics here, from shitty French class, from dance's disorganization. But once I find out where I am going, I need to:
-Try to secure an internship with the people I have been talking to
-Make travel arrangements
-Find housing there
-Get a visa
-Find a subletter and find out what furniture of mine they will want to use
-Figure out what to pack into the basement, what to bring home, what to bring abroad
-Get boxes for packing stuff into the basement
-Get a new big suitcase
-Pay stupid fees and sill out more forms
-Settle some other things financially
-Set up return presentations and start a travel blog
-See if my high school friend is actually going to be in England at the same time
...

Checkpoint is tonight/tomorrow, so embarrassing videos should be up on youtube soon for my mom to watch!
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I woke up at 4-something this morning to a terrifying loud random hammering of rain on my air conditioner. This sound had woken me before - I'm a light sleeper - but it wasn't nearly so early before. I couldn't drown the noise out with headphones (the people talking noises from a few nights before were far easier to ignore with an overlay of music), the headphones were uncomfortable to lie on (I can't sleep on my back), the blankets I pulled close to my head to try to drown out most of the sound made me too warm, and the sound wasn't even rhythmic, so I knew heavy rain was collecting on a higher level and barreling down onto the thin, hollow metal case. I was hoping it was another A/C in a higher window or a gutter, so that I might just move the A/C unit laterally in the window somehow to avoid it. I only have one small window in my room in which to keep the unit, so changing windows is not an option.

I had clocked maybe three hours of sleep and normally get up for work at seven-thirty. I couldn't get back to sleep until just before seven, when the rain died down some. We don't have a couch I can retreat to.

This morning I went out and assessed the situation. The rain had fallen from the rooftop a story and a half above because my air conditioning unit protrudes farther than the roof overhang. Our gutters must suck or something, or maybe they had just overflowed?

In any case, I overslept by an hour and was a half-hour late for work.

This means my options are:
1. Try to see if I can swap the A/C for another one we have that might be less deep that hopefully won't cause a problem for someone else trying to sleep.
2. Just move the unit to the basement; I have only used it once in the two or so weeks I've been here.
3. Experiment with industrial ear plugs.
4. Hope we find a couch eventually and sleep on it when it rains hard.

Sadface!
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Today on the bus I was stuck reaching up for the bar, because people wouldn't let me stand close enough to one of the vertical bars I can actually reach. I stood on tiptoe for a bit, then relaxed into my feet and slightly extended my arm out of the shoulder socket (it makes a little pop, but I'm not sure what exactly skeletally/muscularly is going on). This was pretty painful, especially with the forces the jolting bus imparted, but it meant I wasn't on tiptoe, which means I am more likely to fall over.

Then it started hurting pretty badly, so I think I lost some circulation to my upper arm. When people finally rearranged enough that I could grab a vertical bar near the seats, my upper arm felt like it was constantly cramped, and the skin there turned red. I kept manipulating it with my other arm and clenching and unclenching my hand to try to help, but a girl wedged in behind me and made me stand with my arm behind me at an odd angle (and I couldn't turn around and use the other arm to hold on because then my backpack would be in a child's face), so it kept hurting until a few minutes after I got off at my stop.

What the fuck?
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epilogue from michael's piece )

every time I try to use gas, I never get to use it, aka postdoc wars )

Also, I have a place to live and am moving furniture tonight! Yay.
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Shitty fluorescent lights are bad for determining what color my arm is, but at least I can see my laptop screen. (Outdoors has the reverse properties.)

I realized I dreamed either tonight or this week of meeting my parents' new cat. A kitty!
And I know I had another dream last night. And still woke up at 6 am like every day, to desperately snatch an hour or so of sleep before the alarm. Then a whole series of events made me a few minutes late for work, but it didn't matter.

I should pick up my paycheck today. Money! Then I can panic about whether or not I can afford next year some more.
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I spent a week in Boston at my grandma's.
not much to do, but plenty to think about )
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This is what I have got so far with the combined efforts of misc.market, my study abroad advisor, craigslist, and hope:

1. House I can't afford
2. Indian couple wants to share a one-bedroom with me
3. Scam involving a missionary in Africa and shipping payment and keys
4. Person asking me if I also have debt
5. Apartment in Webster I saw today at the same time as another girl the current renter seemed to like better
6. 40-something in Greenfield wonders if it's okay she's gay. That's fine, but you're sorta old to be living with a 19-year-old, and Greenfield is a bit far.

Then I emailed two building managers about efficiencies asking if they could do a shorter-term lease.
Called a third, who was a crazy man, but nice.

I honestly don't know what I am going to do, and hope I can find something soon so I don't have to share a bedroom with a stranger who is a grad student who will be marrying the man sleeping in the hall in December.
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Today I got a ride home because Lea recognized my tiny laptop as William drove past the bus stop where I sat.
other stuff )
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My schedule has been made. I am first on the waitlist for 213, being non-CS, so I registered for 212. The unlikelihood of my passing 251 and my personal preferences (more unfamiliarity with 212 course material/fear) would have me taking 213 if/once they let me off the waitlist, but shrugs. But there are new course prefixes in my schedule! And I don't know where I will be living, where I will be working, or where I will be dancing.

soul food?

Apr. 4th, 2009 01:52 pm
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I was thinking today, doing dishes, about mean schoolkid songs I learned on the bus.

I googled one, and apparently the ending I know is non-standard. Some of the other songs I learned I know with oral tradition-type deviations, but this alternate ending makes me think.

Joy to the world, Barney's dead.
We barbecued his head!
What happened to the body?
We flushed it down the potty.
What happened to the rest?
We fed it to the guest.
He said, he said it was the best!

(Apparently most people just repeat "and 'round and 'round it went" instead of the last three lines transcribed above.)
But yeah, what else is there to eat, other than head and body?
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The emails I don't get would make me feel much more relieved than the ones I do. I wish I had my life in better order.
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I am at the grocery store. It's after 11 PM, Sunday night, and I've just got off the bus after dance. I wait in line at one of the only two lanes open, not the express line because I'm afraid I have too many items but haven't counted. A muscle in my right leg is pulled from a stupid grand plie, of all things, in Raymond's piece, and I shift my weight back and forth feeling it tug, feeling regretful that the self-checkout lines have closed for the night.

A girl with dark curly hair approaches balancing cartons and bottles of juice and shampoo and asks the man in front of me if she can have the basket on the floor under the conveyor. It takes him a second to respond, but he brightly says, "Oh, sure," and asks, "You got that?" after he hands it over and she fills it with the contents of her overloaded arms. She does. She leaves. I'm still waiting for the guy in front of him to be done having his groceries scanned so the separator bar can be moved and I can put all my groceries onto the belt. This happens; I begin to arrange things in order of weight, refrigeration, ability to be squished.

I notice the guy next to me looks Jewish. I dunno what he's buying, but I feel a little guilty for having bought a loaf of bread and some bagels so close to Passover. I worry that the rest of my purchases make me look too much like a typical college student. I wonder if he's judging me because I bought organic canned ravioli, like that makes it any healthier (there's no high fructose corn syrup, at least). I worry that I've bought too many starches and not enough fruits and vegetables and protein. I wish I could fit another fucking carton of juice in our fridge.

I worry about these things and more, and barely notice the interchange before the following phrases come flatly from the lips of our cashier, a man with grey hair and pads stuck to the nose-pieces of his wire-framed glasses which make the bridge of his long nose look very narrow indeed: "My cousin who lives with me, I found him dead this morning. I wanna get outta here, but I gotta stay around for my shift." "My condolences," says the man in front of me as he gathers his bags and leaves.

I can say nothing as my purchases are scanned. I hand him my Advantage card, scan my debit card, put them back in my wallet. I barely look at him as he hands me my folded receipt and a stupid coupon I got for buying refried beans. This is the real world. It amazes me how few of my friends are used to it.
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I win at life because I spent $5.50 on two semi-reasonable meals at CMU! Part of one of them was a PB&J I brought from home, but I forgot to buy granola bars this week, so I bought two egg rolls at Asiana. Then I had two sides at the vegetarian place for dinner. Win.

I also somehow finally realized the implications of a poem ("L'Automne" - Victor Hugo) I had to memorize for French in 6th grade. It struck me as I looked out the UC window as I ate, surprised that it was almost 6 PM and still light. "Les longs jours sont pass├ęs". Shit, the days are long again! Living in Florida, you'd never know.

I guess DST is also involved somehow, but OMG IT'S STILL LIGHT OUT AND THE WEATHER IS NICE is pretty good.
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